Monday, February 15, 2010
A Lover's Return
Why didn't he remember her like this. How could she have changed so much in the matter of months. He tried to count backwards in his head to count the days that had passed since he last saw her. He remembers places his gone, people he'd seen, events that she was not present at and keeps counting. Concerts, trips, lunches and dinners and counts. The last time he noticed they hadn't seen each other a month had already passed. "Could it really have been that long?" He thinks still counting, "3 months ?,” Its been about three months" he settles at that thought, shakes his head, wonders how he could have let so much time pass since seeing the women he loved. They now lived in the same city, since on her last vacation she decided not to return to the place she never referred to as home, but had lived for seven years. When she first made the decision, he was so happy, grateful to be able to spend any and every chosen day and night with her. He was so enraptured by her, so how could three months pass without him noticing, without her making a fuss. The last mention she made of the intangible distance between them, she had posted "Day 22" on her myspace page and when he asked what it stood for she snapped back "the number of days since we last had sex." That was the last he heard of it but he never questioned why she didn't speak of it after, they both just let time fly. And now she was in arms length, a breeze blows and her scent greets him before she does. She smells the same but different. Earthy and aromatic. She waves at him and his heart stops when he sees a ring on her left ring finger and frowns.
"Ill what's up with that, you don't see me and you frowning?" When she interlocks and crosses her arms together he recognizes the ring she had bought for herself and had always worn and feels dumb. He breathes, hoping the air with push his heart back into its rightful place. "Nah, sorry, my bad, thought I saw something crazy behind you." "What my ass, you've forgotten how nice it is." Smiling and laughing she turns to the side bouncing what her mama gave her. He laughs and shakes his head, he had forgotten how nice her backside was but even more he'd forgotten how silly she was. "Come here girl, you so silly." He extends his arms hoping he will atleast regain all the memories of how she felt in his arms. Hoping touching her will make all the time that has passed feel like mere minutes. She cuts her eyes at him with a smile still in them, twisting her lips to the side and matches his welcoming position. "Uhnnnn" he makes that squeezing to tight but I like hug sound. His arms wrapped around her waist and find a resting spot in the lift of her behind that now causes a deep arch in her back. He thinks about how he use to have to bend her a certain way to form that shape which is now natural to her body shape. "Damn she must have been hitting the gym heavy to keep her mind off of us not having sex," he thinks. He closes his eyes and inhales her smell deeply and again he asks himself, how could he have let so much time pass, how could she be so different yet the same in such a short period of time.
Nikki loved this man that now longingly held her. She loved him so much that although he wasn’t the number one reason why she stayed he definitely help tip the scales. Many, many days had past, even more lonely nights. Nights she thought about finding solace in the bed and arms of other men but just couldn’t bring herself to do it. The love she felt for him was transformative. In the face of every man she saw him. Even when she concluded he had to have been seeing someone else because nothing else could explain a man letting so much time pass since seeing the woman he said he loved. For the first 22 days she let it drive her crazy, counting everyone that went by. After deciding that she would either stay with him or leave him and choosing to stay she stopped counting and started focusing on herself. She started going back to yoga class, taking herself out on dates and spending plenty of nights out with the girls. She thought about getting a girlfriend since he was still the only man for her but her body still had needs but even that she couldn’t bring herself to doing. So she patiently waited alone. They still spoke, the love was still there but between his busy work and travel schedule and her being too bad of a chick to beg 3 months had passed in a flash. The look in his eyes and the tightness of his grip made it all worth while, it was so obvious he missed her and was kicking himself in the ass for letting her get so far away.
The days leading up to the meeting she had tried to plan how she would act. She was torn between being cold and timid or warm and welcoming. But none of that mattered now. Walking up see kept her eyes off of him but could still see him. She could tell he was thinking, his face kept changing, over and over again in her head she just kept telling herself "be cool nikki, be cool." For a second she took a glance at herself in a store front and had to smirk, she looked good. She couldn't wait to get close enough to see his reaction. His lust always made a priceless look spread across his face. How would this day go she wondered, would it all be small talk and pretending time hadn't passed or would they just fall back into place like no time had passed at all. They embraced for a long while, and finally he said "damn girl, I've missed you." "Obviously not enough" Nikki replies pulling away and crossing her arms. "Why you say that" "hmmmph you tell me" " come on Nikki, I thought we were gonna have a good day" " no one said we weren't but you can't tell someone you've missed them when you haven't attempted to see them in God knows how long"
She was right, he had fucked up and his joy of seeing her had now turned into fear. Had she arranged this meeting just to let him know she'd moved on? Seeing the worry on his face, she switched her stance, dropped her arms and rubbed him on his arm, "its ok love we have all day to talk about it."
And that they did, walking around downtown Brooklyn every once in a while stopping into a shop that had something interesting dangling in the window. They talked about what they had been up to, all the things that they couldn't get filled in on via phone or text. He asked about how she had changed, denying she had "perhaps you just didn't notice all of me before, time tends to do that" he hated her sarcasm and how she played cool when she was steaming mad but her arrogance today did nothing but turn him on. In the midst of a few tense moments he had to adjust himself to hide how much he wanted her. The combination of watching her stand boldly in Dereon jeans ,pink wife beater and matching pumps and hearing the passion he'd almost forgotten she spoke with his desire for her compiled itself. All the days that passed all the nights he spent working, their weight came down on him like a tone of bricks. Flashes of how she moaned and cried his name, the scratches she always left on his shoulders, her tightness! He almost shivered. Noticing the blanked out look on his face Nikki stopped ranting about noone every being that busy and asked "are you ok" when he didn't respond she moved a little closer touched his knee and called him something she hadn't let slip from her lips in months "gummy, are you ok, talk to me" the sound of the pet name she gave him from the day they met, broke him out of his trance and he couldn't hold it any more. Taking his right hand and placing it behind her head and his left around her waist he kissed her a resentful kiss. Holding her so tight that she couldn't resist even if she wanted to. His kiss begged of forgiveness and mercy. Her cheeks felt damp but from his tears and not her own. Feeling this man say sorry with ever lap of his tongue, hearing his please forgive me with each tighten of his grasp, wanting to fight back, not wanting to let him back so easy but she could feel his heart beat call her name. He loved her and all the nights of questioning were resolved with that kiss.